I wanna be a loser

So, my family started the biggest loser a few weeks ago. Weigh ins are on Sundays and Easter Sunday marked the end of week one. We're going by 2 statistics: Percentage of weight lost, and pounds lost.

Here are the results:

Percentage of Weight Lost
Pounds Lost

(Names have been removed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

But, you see that red line? That's me! I'm the winner after week one. I know, I know, you're expecting a speech, but I really shouldn't brag.

Well,... if you insist...

"I'd like to thank you all for encouraging me along the way. It was really just such an honor to be nominated. (Wiping away tears... blowing kisses!) I'll cherish this accomplishment forever! (More blowing kisses!)"

Or at least until next week when Tevita (my brother-in-law) loses 10 lbs. in one week again and kicks my trash. (That's why I must glory in the moment now!)

Next weigh in is on Sunday. I better go find a treadmill!